The game of Starfinder that my local Seattle RPG group has been playing since September of last year has just come to a conclusion, with a glorious climax that could very easily lead into a second season. We’re all kind of burned out on the game system right now, for various reasons (for example, I absolutely despise the weapon level system), but the game itself was a lot of fun and I really love the weird sci-fi fantasy setting.
The crew consisted of me as OZZE, a Cockney-accented combat robot with a mob background from the setting’s equivalent of Barsoom;
Peter as Kirokoa Mertrillo, a strix (person with wings) mechanic out to explore the universe;
Caitlin as Yoreen, a lashunta technomancer and archaeology student;
Jake as Clive Eddison, a human assassin working for a church devoted to the goddess of death, hailing from the same planet as OZZE;
And my brother Colin as Terrance B. Daniels, a human solarian (Jedi with gravity powers) who left the campaign pretty early on.
Colin’s moved back to Boston, so unfortunately it’s probably going to be a while before I can play in a game with him again. For future games we’ve got quite a few new people who’ve moved to Seattle and joined our little circle of nerds, however, so there’ll probably be some new faces in my next Seattle-based Line of the Night post.
In the meantime, here’s the best lines from almost a year of finding new stars and fighting aliens, featuring Brett as the GM. Brett also gave all the sessions names after the fact, and some of them are really good so I’m going to include those here as well.
Session 1: Conference Call With A Pickle Man
Clive: “I dabble in board games. I’ve been into RPGs lately…”
Kirokoa: “Oh man, have you played Earthfinder?”
Clive: “No, what’s that?”
GM: “We now enter character creation…”
OZZE: “They serve a planetary breakfast, instead of continental. It’s the fakest eggs you’ve ever seen.”
Kirokoa: “I go to high five my drone and remember I didn’t give it hands.”
Kirokoa: “WHAT ARE YOU SHOOTING BACK THERE?”
OZZE: “GOBLINS!”
Kirokoa: “…Keep it up!”
Kirokoa: “Dude, just pick it up. You have two hands.”
Clive: “Yeah, but my other hand is also holding a knife.”
Kirokoa: “Why do you have two knives?”
Clive: “I…thought it would be cool.”
Clive: “How can I be bad at rolling dice?”
OZZE: “I don’t know, but here we are.”
Kirokoa: “Should we force the pickle man to call his goblin out of hiding?”
Session 2: You All Meet In A Security Resources Pavilion
OZZE: “I dunno what to do here. What are cool places for robots to go on the station?”
GM: “You could hit up the Click-Clack Club. Also called C3. It’s a bar for androids and augmented.”
Clive: “I prefer C4, next door. I hear it’s been blowing up lately.”
Yoreen: “Oh yeah, just head to Old Joe’s Nukes down at the docks.”
GM: “They sell them used, but you can get a good price.”
Kirokoa: “There’s just nothing there.”
Terrance: “I don’t have a gun. I’ve got a flame dashko.”
Kirokoa: “What’s a dashko?”
GM: “It’s a sweet laser axe.”
Clive: “Does it come with six strings and an amp?”
Kirokoa: “Does it come with a strength score?”
Terrance: “Fuck you!”
Kirokoa: “Is this the Starfidners?”
NPC: “No, we’re the Starfinders. Totally different. We get a lot of people confused. But no, we’ve been at war for generations.”
Kirokoa: “Over the name, you see.“
Terrance: “And I’m a solarian! Who wouldn’t wanna hire a kinda shitty solarian?”
Clive: “Why’s he called Green Anton?”
NPC: “He’s got a…whadya call it, a condition.”
OZZE: “He’s a lashunta.”
NPC: “Yeah, we’re all racists here.”
Kirokoa: “Why did Anton join the Six Tips gang when he could have joined Gang Green?”
Clive: “I couldn’t but notice that you were looking…….”
OZZE: “Wha-“
Clive: “…for something.”
OZZE: “What the fuck?”
OZZE: “How do you guys not know what a solarian is?”
Yoreen: “Oh I know what a solarian is, I just don’t think he is one.”
OZZE: “He’s got glowing armor!”
Kirokoa: “Oh thank you, OZZE, because he’s the only thing on that station that glows!”
Kirokoa: “Hang on, let me just figure out what I need to roll for this…”
GM: “There’s a Sense Motive skill.”
Kirokoa: “…not Sense Motive, because I’m bad at that…”
Session 3: The Doot Ambassador (or, Fuck Your Fire Damage)
GM: “Two skeleton guards in black armor stand outside the door to the Eox embassy, watching you.”
Terrance: “The guards are so full of calcium.”
GM: “They doot quietly as you pass.”
Terrance: “It’s respectful in their culture.”
Kirokoa: “Are you going to be doing spooky scary skeletons for every session in the month of October?”
GM: “No, but now that you mention it…”
Terrance, pretending to be the Eox ambassador: “We have lost our Trumpet of Dooting.”
GM: “If you want to negotiate for better pay, I need someone to roll Diplomacy.”
Terrance: “I have diplomacy! But I’m also eating an Oreo.”
GM: “Well that’s going to be a -2 to your roll.”
Yoreen: “Why are you turning into a Scottish dude?”
OZZE: “Thas whot ‘appens when oim in spas.”
Terrance makes a knowledge roll to learn stuff about some weird space dog monsters.
Terrance: “Guys, they’re weak to salt water!”
OZZE: “Cry on ’em!”
Kirokoa: “Is everyone just assumed to be ambidextrous?”
Terrance: “It’s the future.”
GM: “Which means we’ve apparently moved past such petty concerns as dominant hands.”
OZZE: “Why do these space dog things keep rolling higher than us?”
GM: “Because they’re the protagonists. This is the Akata Chronicles now.”
Session 4: Hakuna Akata
Terrance: “But Yoreen and I have Void Death.”
Clive: “Sounds like… Yoreen trouble.”
Terrance: “We were hired by the skeletors to get this package.”
Kirokoa: “Skeletors? That’s racist.”
Kirokoa: “I take a five foot step straight up, then come back down and stab it.”
Clive: “Did you just goomba stomp that thing?”
OZZE: “The package is the ambassador’s dick, isn’t it?”
GM: “You can only assume. Because you have no reason to actually believe that.”
Session 5: Green With Envy
GM: “You get another 2,500 credits.”
GM: “…that’s 500 each.”
OZZE: “I knew that.”
Clive: “He had his calculator out.”
OZZE: “Don’t you fucking write that down.”
Clive: “That’s also getting written down.”
Yoreen: “Zombos don’t eat, do they? Oh god, I used a slur.”
OZZE: “Nah, it’s okay. They call themselves that.”
GM: “Geez, OZZE. That’s their word.”
Clive: “I could just go hide in Anton’s vents again.”
OZZE: “Again?”
Clive: “I could just go hide in his vents for the first time.”
OZZE: “You guys are fuckin’ nerds, that’s what I think.”
Yoreen: “I thought you were Chappie?”
OZZE: “That’s our word!”
Session 6: Zero Gravity Depravity
GM: “Unfortunately, Kirokoa called in sick today.”
Terrance: “He’s the only one who didn’t get sick! Everyone else caught void death!”
OZZE: “Well, that’s the failing of biological flesh.”
Terrance: “Motherfucker, I’m gonna give you snow crash.”
OZZE: “Wait, is this whole asteroid zero-g?”
GM: “From what it looks like, yes.”
OZZE: “The enemy’s gate is down, motherfucker!”
OZZE: “Wait, what? There’s a door? Who the fuck built that, the entire rest of this asteroid is just bare rock and ravenous akata.”
Clive: “These aren’t just any space doggos. These are the barchitects.”
OZZE: “Congratulations, you clotheslined a zombie.”
Yoreen: “With a knife.”
Clive: “Not really a clothesline, more of a skewer.”
OZZE: “I saw something down that other corridor there.”
Yoreen: “Was it a goblin?”
OZZE: “It was bigger than a goblin. It could have been two goblins in a spacesuit.”
Yoreen: “I think that’s the only explanation.”
Session 7: Garaggakal Me Maybe
Clive: “My gun hurls lead, like the good old days.”
Yoreen: “Were they really the good old days?”
Clive: “Can’t really remember. Nobody can.”
(side note: a major part of the setting’s history is “The Gap,” a period of a few centuries where no one can remember what happened and the planet Golarion vanished)
Terrance: “Screw you, robots!”
OZZE: “Hey.”
Terrance: “Yeah, I’m including you too!”
Yoreen: “We plug it in. Who has batteries? OZZE, you’re a giant battery, right?”
OZZE: “Uh, I also carry batteries. I’ll thank you to not suck my life force out to charge your phone.”
OZZE: “Clive’s not really a priest so much as an altar boy.”
Clive: “I was an enforcer.”
OZZE: “Yeah. When they did the communion, he dragged the sacrifice up to the altar.”
Terrance: “I drop the rifle.”
GM: “It stays there.”
Yoreen: “We are in zero-G. It’s a little less dramatic.”
The gang finds a spaceship.
Clive: “If we sell the ship, we could hire so many lackeys.”
OZZE: “If you can’t use your lackeys to crew a ship, what’s the point?”
Clive: “Flash back to when we were playing a game with flashbacks.”
GM: “You both hit the door button at the same time. Your hands touch and share a tender moment.”
Kirokoa and Clive: “Aww.”
OZZE: “You both hitting the button means that the door closes and starts to open again.”
Everyone: “NO!”
GM: “The garaggakal slams against the door, but it’s not stronger than a starship.”
Clive: “Is there an external PA system on the ship?”
GM: “Yeah, sure.”
Clive, over loudspeakers: “Haha, nerd!”
Session 8: Janissary Anna
GM: “The ship AI prompts you to give the ship a name.”
Kirokoa: “Eric.”
OZZE: “No!”
Clive: “Wide Boat.“
OZZE: “NO!”
We eventually named the ship Janissary Anna.
There aren’t enough cabins on the ship.
Kirokoa: “Well, one of us is a robot. You can sleep in the cargo bay.”
OZZE: “I’ll take the cargo bay! A bigger room just for me? You’re giving me a suite.
Kirokoa: “No no. You are sharing it with cargo. We are storing you.”
Yoreen: “No grenades on the space station, please.”
OZZE: “Sorry, I can’t hear you over all these grenades.”
Kirokoa: “Over all those silent things? Oh god, he’s gone deaf. OZZE! OZZE!”
OZZE: “…Kirokoa, do you know what grenades do? They’re kind of loud when they oh my god why am I explaining the joke.”
OZZE: “The less I hear about your frail organic bits, the better.”
Kirokoa: “Hey, my cloaca is not frail.”
OZZE: “There was some weird space creature, a garagal or something.”
Eox Ambassador: “Was the creature dealt with?”
Clive: “Almost no.”
GM: “You regroup, with the two of you having come to rescue Yoreen, and Yoreen having just walked outside to meet you without needing any rescue.”
OZZE: “Goddamn I’m good at this.”
OZZE: “I’m a robot. I do things logically.”
OZZE: “He says, as he buys additional swords.”
Session 9: Ex Magica
GM: “The pizza is Triaxus-style. Some of you might prefer hyper-deep dish style, from the Sun.”
OZZE: “Oh man, the bottom of this dish passes over an event horizon.”
OZZE: “We’re all picking crew roles on the ship, and you fit the Captain role. I mean, we’re not going to take orders from you–“
Terrance: “Yes you are.”
OZZE: “If you can find a way to take a dinosaur to space on a ship this size, be my guest. Actually, wait–“
Yoreen: “What I’m hearing is that you just gave us explicit permission.”
Yoreen: “Did you just say that out loud with the paranoid guy right there?
OZZE: “He’s not paranoid, it’s fine.”
GM: “Doctor Tovuri goes around and closes all the blinds.”
OZZE: “Okay, I may have misjudged.”
OZZE: “So the doctor and the crab thing he was experimenting on switched bodies, is what I’m getting from this.”
Clive: “When we first met him, he did seem grumpy. A little… crabby, if you will.”
OZZE: “Janissary Anna, I need an orbital strike on my position.”
GM: “The crab types the words ‘REVERSE RITUAL.'”
Yoreen: “Hmm. Clive, you’re the mystic expert. What do you think it could mean?”
Yoreen: “This is against nature.”
OZZE: “Excuse me. Speaking as an abomination of science, I find that highly offensive.”
OZZE: “Then I just have the words SHIT EATING GRIN flash across my faceplate.”
An alien warlord has tracked OZZE to this planet and is using an ancient technomagic device to control the robot and force OZZE to give him information he wants to use to ascend to godhood.
Clive: “OZZE… I could shoot you in the screen plate, so you have to stop displaying the hieroglyphics from that scroll.”
OZZE: “Uh, I’d rather you didn’t.”
Yoreen: “Do it!”
OZZE: “When we get back to Absalom Station, I need to kidnap Anton and ask him who the fuck he told about us coming out here.”
Session 10: Crab Mentality
Terrance: “Did the creation of this being create Crab Heaven?”
Clive: “Do all crabs go to heaven?”
Terrance: “Or is there only Crab Hell?”
Clive: “You only go there if you’re really crabby.”
Clive: “We could just put him inside OZZE and not tell Adam, since he’s not at the session.”
Yoreen: “That would be rude. Would he just feel some kind of lump in there with his soul?”
Clive: “I’m sorry Adam, we gave you crabs.”
Terrance: “You want to come with us?”
GM: “He points to the ship and says ‘You seem to have space.'”
Clive: “No, we just own a ship. Space is largely unowned.”
Yoreen: “If we do this, this would be the second game in a row where we coerced a doctor’s soul into sharing a body with somebody else.”
Clive: “What the fuck can a crab do with money?”
Terrance: “Crab whores? Cocaine? That probably still works.”
Terrance: “I just have gravity powers.”
Yoreen: “That’s good, because the situation is very serious.”
Clive: “As 1) the only man of the cloth present, and 2) the party’s rogue…”
Session 11: Antagonizing Anton
GM: “Anna informs you that Kirokoa has retired to his bunk, not feeling well.”
Terrance: “It’s Void Death. We gotta amputate his head.”
Janissary Anna: “Captain, would you like me to warm up the drift engines?”
Terrance: “YES!”
…
Terrance: “Wait, I’m the captain!”
Kirokoa: “What if we lure Anton to somewhere else before threatening him and asking our questions?”
OZZE: “What, I just invite him to Spacey Jakey’s Airlock Emporium?”
Yoreen: “It’s right next to Old Joe’s Used Nukes.”
OZZE: “Fuck this game has a lot of keywords. What does ‘Mired’ do?”
Clive: “Target must flex for 1d4 rounds, ’cause they be mirin’.”
OZZE: “In my defense, that was an awesome part of the conversation to initiate the fight, and I also forgot about the plan.”
OZZE: “I should probably take this guy down nonlethally, so I’m not charged with murder later.”
Clive: “Or worse. Expelled.”
Terrance: “And with my bonus…I rolled a 0.”
OZZE: “What’s his AC?”
GM: “A positive integer.”
Terrance: “Damn!”
OZZE: “Fuck these overpowered enemies.”
Clive: “You drown an entire village of orcs at once, you’re a hero. You drown an entire village of orcs one at a time…”
Session 12: An Anacite For Sore Eyes
We learn that the alien warlord who ambushed OZZE is named Aknaan, and that he’s searching for relics of the First Ones.
OZZE: “Our next message to Aknaan from Anton’s communicator is gonna be ‘Is your refrigerator running? Then you better go chase it because it has the First Ones in it, oooOoOoOoh!'”
Kirokoa: “They’re still alive because they’re in the fridge.”
GM: “It kept them fresh.”
OZZE: “Fortunately, we’re more Indiana Jones than real archaeologists.”
Yoreen: “Fuck you! I have a degree!”
OZZE: “Wait, you have a degree?”
Yoreen: “I’m literally an archaeologist!”
Trying to figure out the password to get into a decrepit temple on an asteroid.
Yoreen: “Anyone got some lemon juice? We could test for invisible ink.”
OZZE: “Old school. They are the First Ones, after all.”
OZZE: “Ancient alien magic? Oh man, this setting is so cool.”
OZZE: “Wait, what the fuck? That worked? Casandalee’s password is Casandalee?”
Yoreen: “For a god of computers, her password security is shit.”
GM: “It’s quiet, but you hear noise echoing from inside…”
Yoreen: “Does it sound like skittering?”
GM: “It does, actually.”
Yoreen: “No! No hablo es gobliano!“
Yoreen, handing her cell phone to an ancient creature: “I feel like I just violated the prime directive.”
NPC master of the temple: “Do you feel particularly like divine agents?”
OZZE: “Every day of my life.”
Yoreen: belch
Aknaan shows up unexpectedly.
Yoreen: “I think our best bet is to start praying.”
OZZE: “Casandalee, why did you prayer-proof your storage box? What kind of asshole does that?”
OZZE: “I don’t think the ship can do that. We don’t have nukes yet.”
Yoreen: “We do still have two people on the ship…”
OZZE: “They don’t have nukes either!”
OZZE: “How did Anna just not shoot them down?”
Yoreen: “Well. Clive and Terrence are on the guns.”
OZZE: “Oh yeah. Right.”
OZZE: “I could go help plot the course.”
Janissary Anna: “No, that’s all right. One autopilot is enough.”
Yoreen: “Ooh, burn.”
OZZE: “That’s it. Next stop, we’re wiping her.”
OZZE: “Would a roll from the science officer help plot the course faster?”
Yoreen: “I’ll plot this by hand, motherfucker!”
OZZE: “I’m going to put a piece of tape over his laser rifle.”
Yoreen: “Ion tape, bitch!”
OZZE: “Oh, no. Just scotch tape.”
Session 13: Imperial Entanglements
The gang runs into the Azlanti Star Empire after rushing through a random Drift jump away from Aknaan’s mercenaries.
Clive, on the radio: “We’re not a military organization. We’re a ragtag crew of…”
Kirokoa: “Bears.”
Yoreen: “Have you named your drone?”
Kirokoa: “Nah.”
Clive: “Drone of Arc?”
Yoreen: “We could wait for him to open the bulkhead, then push him through and trap him in there.”
Kirokoa: “They have control of the ship. He would just…come back.”
Yoreen: “Then we’d do it again!”
Yoreen: “I’ve got my staff, but my spells are generally better…”
Kirokoa: “Wow, powergamers, am I right? Wizards casting spells.”
Kirokoa: “Never leave home without your ion tape. You never know when you’re gonna need to bind somebody.”
Yoreen: “It happens…unfortunately frequently.”
Yoreen: “We still don’t know who this person the Azlanti are hunting is. They could actually be a terrorist.”
Clive: “Or worse. A goblin.”
The NPC in question: “No hablo es gobliano!”
Yoreen: “Do you know anything about nukes?”
NPC: “Oh, do I!”
Kirokoa: “Used nukes?”
NPC: “…no?”
Session 14: The Akiton Shuffle
GM: “Anton’s phone started blowing up as soon as you got out of the Drift.
Kirokoa: “You should really stop making grenades out of people’s phones, OZZE.”
The gang goes to Akiton, OZZE and Clive’s home planet, to meet with Aknaan and try to sell him a fake artifact that OZZE hired a guy to make.
OZZE: “If someone in the Dustwarren tells you they live in the Dustwarren, you should run. They are a cannibal.”
Clive: “Or worse…”
OZZE: “…expelled.”
Kirokoa: “I’m good with going to Akiton, if only to keep OZZE in check.”
OZZE: “I’m going to get my hands on a nuclear missile launcher eventually.”
Clive, undergoing a revelation about OZZE: “I fully envisioned you as being a giant Clap-Trap. Like, this entire time.”
Kirokoa: “I could do a fly by.”
GM: “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! …no, it’s a bird.”
Kirokoa: “I’ve got my drone in one hand and you in the other. And I will drop you first, Clive.”
The starship rules in Starfinder don’t really allow for stealing spaceships.
Clive: “That’s it! We get one of us into their ship, sit in the pilot’s seat, and when the ship shrinks down to scale to our level, it’ll crush the crew!”
OZZE: “Can we jump into the Drift from inside the canyon? Oh, the engineer’s making weird sounds. That probably means no.”
Kirokoa: “When you make a suggestion and your engineer is literally sweating bullets…you rein it back in.”
GM: “It’s the day of the meet.”
Kirokoa, pointing to Terrance’s empty chair: “We send in the captain, alone.”
OZZE managed to swindle Aknaan out of 4000 credits and drop most of a mountain on him. There’s no quote for that, but I want to mention it because I’m still very proud of it.
Session 15: Osoro Drift
GM: “There’s only one set of thrusters per ship class per speed.”
Kirokoa: “You can go ahead and add me to the list of thrusters. Ayyyy!”
OZZE: “What was that? I was busy thinking about power cores and shit.”
Yoreen: “This is soul racism. Aren’t we all artificial souls?”
Kirokoa: “There’s only one way to find out.” points gun at head
OZZE: “No, don’t do…something…”
OZZE: “There are too many things in this game that start with A and sound almost identical.”
Kirokoa: “Absalom, Akiton, ababombabombabom.”
Yoreen: “I don’t know, this just seems like it’s setting ourselves up for the same situation later.”
GM: “I would never reuse the same plot in like five levels.”
OZZE: “Why can’t I just plug it into the computer and get the data off?”
GM: “This is a pre-Gap artifact.”
Kirokoa: “They’ve standardized ports since then.”
GM: “Yeah, this thing doesn’t even have a headphone jack.”
Kirokoa: “That actually makes it more modern.”
OZZE: “I hate that you’re right.”
OZZE: “While we were in the Drift city, I got myself upgraded a bit.”
Yoreen: “Did you get an oil change, too?”
OZZE: “I don’t use oil. Squeak squeak squeak.”
Clive: “That’s how we roll.”
GM: “How do you roll?”
Clive: “Poorly.”
OZZE: “What month is Cinco de Mayo again?”
Kirokoa: “Holy shit nobody answer that.”
OZZE: “Do I know anyone from the criminal underworld on this moon?”
GM: “You used to know a guy. But he fled to Akiton. And was killed.”
OZZE: “Poor Four Foot Steve. Five Foot Steve, before the accident.”
OZZE: “Nothing like a little death to get the blood pumping.”
Clive: “One, you don’t have blood. And two…what?”
Random thug about to mug us: “But the lot of you tourists have credits. I wanna make this abundantly clear.”
OZZE, threateningly: “I wouldn’t exactly say tourists.”
Yoreen, truthfully: “And I wouldn’t exactly say credits.”
GM: “You find a little Ysoki kebab shop. I mean, it’s not little because they’re little, it’s little because it’s, like…”
Yoreen: “Wow. Racist.”
OZZE: “We take up like half the room!”
OZZE: “You could just put a bandana over your face as a disguise.”
Yoreen: “I put on my Starfinder jacket.”
GM: “We’re being robbed!” “By who?”
All: “The Starfinder Society?!”
Clive: “Does drinking give Charisma bonuses?”
GM: “You sure think it does.”
Kirokoa: “Where are we going?”
Yoreen: “We got invited to a dinner.”
Clive: “‘Invited’ in the way that probably means they’ll kill us if we don’t go.”
OZZE: “Yeah. I’m not going.”
Session 16: Agents of A.S.P.I.S.
Yoreen: “Can I buy a spell ampoule of Charm Person?”
GM: “Spell amps are the ones that you have to ingest, right?”
Clive: “Actually, that’s exactly what I’m good at!”
All: “…Ingesting things?”
Yoreen: “I don’t think I cast Knock last session, I think we just picked the lock.”
Clive: “You know what they say. Don’t Knock it til you’ve tried it.”
Clive: “Yoreen, how do you feel about this?”
Yoreen: “What? I was taking notes.”
Clive: “Well put them back when you’re done.”
Yoreen: “Kasatha are the four-armed people. Here’s a picture. The ones with magic floating balls.”
GM: “They don’t all have magic floating balls.”
Yoreen: “You don’t know that!”
The gang gets hired by the shady Aspis Consortium to shut down an illegal immortality potion operation.
OZZE: “I dunno, I kinda like the idea of getting an immortality potion out there.”
Yoreen: “You’re a robot, shut up.”
Clive: “You don’t have a horse in this race!”
OZZE: “Having friends who don’t die after a hundred years might be nice.”
GM: “Using those Starfinder jackets as disguises would be like robbing a bank wearing NASA t-shirts to frame NASA.”
OZZE: “They do need the budget.”
Yoreen: “Stick em up! We’re requisitioning a planetary defense fund!”
Yoreen: “What does that get us?”
Clive: “A distraction, so they don’t see when you fuck up your Stealth rolls.”
Yoreen: “I haven’t fucked up anything!”
Clive: “Not yet…”
GM: “You spoof the airlock controls, and the interior door opens.”
Yoreen: “Oh…we’re gonna contaminate everything in this lab.”
OZZE: “I was gonna do that anyways. I brought a bucket of dirt.”
Session 17: Alchemical Romance
OZZE: “They built those mech suits to last. But not to outlast…me.”
Yoreen: “He says, rolling a 1.”
OZZE: “Dammit! That’s my third 1 this fight!”
Yoreen, rolling a 9 on stealth: “I imagine I’m hiding under the bench, but my antenna are just clearly sticking up into view. Like, ‘huh.'”
GM: “You surprise him, popping out of your hiding spot and sending a bolt of electricity right at him.”
Clive: “I guess you could say he was…….surprised.”
OZZE: “I dive to the side, shoot him, and land in a ‘draw me like one of your French girls’ pose, but with a gun.”
GM: “I wish we were streaming to an audience, so we could get fan art of that immediately.”
Yoreen: “‘Us having fans’ seems like the most unlikely part of that.”
OZZE: “I don’t have a problem with them selling immortality drugs. But I do have a problem with Aspis blackmailing everyone.”
Yoreen: “That is kind of a dick move. But it is super duper rich people, so I don’t feel that bad…?”
Clive: “But then we could still drink the magic jizz and be fine.”
OZZE: “Could we…not call the immortality potion ‘the magic jizz?'”
Clive: “Too late! It’s in the quotes.”
OZZE: “No, I don’t think this was an intentional setup. Anton is too much of a dipshit to have planned this out.”
Yoreen: “This is getting weird. I feel like next we’ll start human trafficking, or just being pimps…”
OZZE: “Woah, woah, hey. Stay out of my section of the cargo hold.”
Clive: “I pride myself on my discretion. Don’t tell anyone, though.”
OZZE: “All I’m saying is, if we were blackmailing all these rich people who bought Aspis’ potion, you could see your favorite boy bands whenever you want. Musicians are probably all hooked on this stuff.”
Yoreen: “…How old do you think I am?”
OZZE: “I don’t fucking know, I’m a robot. I’m literally 3. Age is just a number that doesn’t make any sense.”
Session 18: Take Me To Church
Kirokoa: “Why did we only stock the ship with calzones? It was good for the first day, but…”
GM: “You duck into a supply closet to wait him out. At one point someone comes in, but you barely manage to hide behind some boxes and you’re not spotted.”
Clive: “Sounds like someone almost got an unpleasant…supplies.”
Ixtlay, Kirokoa’s uncle: “Whatever you’re up to out there, just make sure you’re doing the right thing, all right?”
Kirokoa: “Yeahhh…”
Kirokoa: “I pull out my list and check off ‘stopped OZZE from nuking a planet.'”
OZZE: “I don’t like Anton. But I don’t feel like he deserves to die because we failed a bluff check on another planet.”
Clive: “We could…stage a terrorist attack.”
Yoreen: “But why?”
Kirokoa: “It’s an option. I just don’t see how it helps.”
Kirokoa: “Let’s stop church assassins!”
Session 19: A Vent Horizon
The gang, having turned on the Aspis Consortium, is searching for the Consprtium’s immortality drug production facility.
OZZE: “What? I thought we would find this illegal secret mining operation in, like, ten minutes tops.”
Yoreen: “I rolled a 20. With bonuses, I get a…32 to scan this thing.”
Clive: “You find Jeffrey Aspis himself.”
At this point everyone except OZZE has magic ioun stones that sustain them without food, air, or water.
Yoreen: “Also, we do have a galley.”
OZZE: “Oh, I’ve just been using the food as target practice since nobody needs to eat.”
Clive: “I’m putting on my sneaking suit.”
Yoreen: “What’s your sneaking suit?”
GM: “Nothing. It’s like a birthday suit.”
Clive: “I’m sure Queen Bootyslut has the destination already punched into the system. That’s her last name.”
OZZE: “Hey. This Aspis assassin is a capable professional and you will give her the respect she deserves.”
Clive: “Sorry, Ms. Bootyslut.”
OZZE: “Better.”
Clive: “This ship is probably coming back. I could stow away here for a few days, find out where it lands, stay stowed away for the return trip, then regroup.”
Yoreen: “Clive’s Boring Adventure!”
OZZE: “Do you want me to sneak on board with you?”
Yoreen: “Please take him! Take him, so he’ll stop shooting all my fruit.”
OZZE: “Oh, I have all her fruit in my bag here. I’m ready to go.”
GM: “You’re in the Drift alone. You have a couple of days to kill.”
Clive: “All right, time to systematically murder the crew one by one.”
GM: “You have a couple of days…to kill.”
Yoreen: “So…yeah. We have Kirokoa’s drone sweep the vents, while we’re traveling through the Drift following Clive’s beacon.”
OZZE: “We’re so fucking bored.”
The gang ends up on Eox, planet of the undead.
OZZE: “I bet Peter’s real sad to be missing all these Bone Troopers.”
Session 20: Dead Or Alive
Eoxian news broadcast: “We’ve got word that this man, Clive Eddison, is a rogue Pharasman agent on the loose…”
Kirokoa: “Clive, do you have a beard?”
Clive: “As soon as this broadcast starts, Clive goes to the bathroom. He comes out clean shaven.”
Clive: “Thank you, Adam, for playing the part of Undead World Tour Guide.”
OZZE: “Sorry, I love talking about this fucking weird setting.”
OZZE: “What we really need to do is find the crystal where the immortality potion put the Bishop’s soul.”
Clive: “Which we’re still pretty sure, on nothing but a hunch, exists.”
Kirokoa: “Hey Clive, you know what you can get for 350 credits? Serum of Sex Shift. You wanna not get caught?”
OZZE: “I was a mercenary, I can walk you through it. If you were here to threaten me and my children, what would you say?”
Kirokoa: “I am here to threaten you and your children.”
OZZE: “Bad. Okay, I’m glad we practiced this.”
OZZE: “So I have a device that creates small holes…”
Kirokoa: “Yeah, it’s called a gun.”
OZZE: “Zo! is so cool. I’ve bought breakfast cereals just because he was advertising them.”
Yoreen: “You don’t even eat!”
OZZE: “Exactly!”
Kirokoa: “I want us to fly above that fighter, and I’ll jump out, land on them, and murder them. This isn’t space combat, it’s air to air. Fight me on my turf, motherfucker.”
Session 21: Absolution
Clive: “Don’t worry, we’re not killing anyone. They’re already dead.”
OZZE: “If we think they’ve got missiles, we should point our butts at them.”
Yoreen: “Why is there a sesame stick on the map?”
OZZE: “That’s the missile. I’m gonna eat it when I shoot it down with point defense.”
OZZE: “That missile has a speed of 10? We have a speed of 10. We could just run away from it forever.”
GM: “It’ll follow you all the way to Absalom.”
OZZE: “If that thing has a Drift engine, I’ll be seriously impressed.”
OZZE: “Speed of ten, fired at a rate of…hang on. Those are two nukes we have incoming.”
Clive: “Is that a war crime or something?”
GM: “It’s Eox.”
Clive: “OZZE, your face is a screen, right? It might be better if you go deliver this news.”
OZZE: “I do not want to be your telepresence robot.”
Yoreen: “Are you broadcasting this conversation to us?”
OZZE: “I’m broadcasting this specifically to Zo!.”
Yoreen: “Okay, well, I tune in to the live show.”
OZZE: “Motherfucker. The Disruptor fusion is specifically for fighting undead. And we forgot we had it until right after we leave Eox.”
Session 21.5: Movin’ On Up
OZZE: “We gotta get out there and explore some exoplanets. Find new civilizations. And punch them, and take their stuff.”
Yoreen: “No.”
OZZE: “What? That’s basically what archaeology is, right?”
Yoreen: “No!”
OZZE: “We could get that, but then all of our expansion bays would be full. Unless we want to get rid of the science lab, the escape pods, or the gym. And I do like having the gym.”
OZZE: “Let’s not have our weapon range outstrip our sensors.”
GM: “Why not? You don’t need to see what’s out there, you just need to be able to shoot it.”
GM: “Nukes actually do irradiate the crew when they hit you.”
OZZE: “Well I’m a robot. I can’t get cancer.”
Yoreen: “I’m good with computers. I will write you some cancer. It’s an infinite loop that slowly eats your RAM.”
Session 22: Mondy Haul
Kirokoa: “If there’s unsavory types out there, that probably means there’s loot to…appropriate.”
Clive: “We like to call it ‘impromptu tithes.'”
OZZE: “If we use the particle cannon now, we can take out their leadership before they know what hit them.”
Kirokoa: “I will hamstring you.”
OZZE: “I will remind you that I don’t have hamstrings.”
The gang ventures into the trap-filled tomb of Mondy, an infamous thief.
Clive: “Sure, send the guy without darkvision to scout the way.”
OZZE: “Do you want a fucking flashlight?”
Clive: “I’ll take a regular flashlight, but yeah.”
Clive: “What if it’s all floor traps? And he’s just relying on people thinking ‘NOW he must be done with those.'”
OZZE: “Killer robot following me! Not this killer robot, I mean, not me. Another killer robot.”
Kirokoa’s drone comes around the corner.
OZZE: “Not that killer robot either! A third killer robot.”
OZZE: “These bees are an excellent addition to the party, I have to say.”
As Kirokoa is climbing into a stone sarcophagus, trying to find a hidden door:
Yoreen: “I’d like to put it out there that this is not what my job normally entails. This isn’t archaeology.”
OZZE: “Right. You want to come back with tiny brushes, or something? I don’t know how archaeology works.”
Kirokoa: “You guys will fucking save me if this turns out to be a blender, right?”
OZZE: “I get the feeling that Mondy was not happy with how his life went.”
Kirokoa: “And so he built a fucking monument to it.”
Session 23: Bark At The Moon
Absalom Traffic Control: “We’ll need to perform a routine check for illicit cargo.”
OZZE: “Oh, fuck. Stall. Stall!”
Clive: “What do we have that would be considered illicit?”
OZZE: “Do you want that…like…alphabetically?”
Yoreen: “Shirren are the bug people? I don’t think lashunta like them.”
Clive: “Yeah, something about that race really…bugs me.”
OZZE: “Twenty-three days of Drift travel. It’s been so long since I’ve had fresh air.”
Yoreen: “OZZE, you don’t breathe.”
OZZE: “Now I remember why I hate it!”
NPC: “I would rather not say. It is dangerous knowledge.”
OZZE: “Speaking as someone who knows Casandalee’s password, dangerous knowledge is our business.”
OZZE: “Do the Azlanti have a history of…werewolfing people? Is that a verb? Anna?”
Janissary Anna: “I can confirm: not a verb.”
Clive: “Space Aztecs from the moon are beaming werewolves into our brains. This is the plot of my new B-movie.”
Session 24: Moonstaker
OZZE: “All right, sorry I’m late. What’s up?”
Kirokoa: “You were just referred to as a ‘robotic assistant’ by the villain. And with such good judgment, is he really a villain?”
Kirokoa: “This is how we all die.”
Clive: “Good thing we all have backup characters.”
Kirokoa: “I don’t! I could die for real!”
GM: “You’re gonna do a good job of keeping the werewolf harried. And it’s already pretty hairy.”
OZZE: “That better not go in the quotes.”
GM: “You stare into the jaws of the beast. Actually…it’s a werewolf based on a species of insect people. Would this thing have mandibles?”
OZZE: “Oh, fuck you.”
GM: “Kirokoa, it’s your turn. OZZE is swordfighting a werewolf.”
Clive: “Bender is swordfighting a werewolf while the wizard attempts to cover it in bees.”
Yoreen: “Yoreen is boring, and stays over here.”
Kirokoa: “You have to at least cackle like a witch or something.”
Yoreen: “Nyehahaha! BEES!”
GM: “So Knock would be able to open one of these doors…”
Kirokoa: “Open the werewolves!”
Kirokoa: “The Mechanic class actually has power over all game mechanics.”
Session 25: Who Let The Dogs Out
OZZE: “I have another ability that adds my Strength bonus to full attacks.”
Kirokoa: “Even with guns?”
OZZE: “Only with guns, actually.”
GM: “He pulls the trigger really hard.”
Kirokoa: “You can’t strangle a robot. You should know that, you are a robot!”
GM: “Yoreen, it’s your turn. Wanna get in on this miss-fest?”
Kirokoa: “I…haven’t hit anything all session, have I.”
Kirokoa: “But I steal my drone’s accuracy. It rolled a 1, so that I could roll… a… 4.”
Rescued NPC: “They’ve been harvesting my…matter. I don’t understand what they’re doing, but it’s not a pleasant experience.”
Yoreen: “Hey, depending on the matter, it could be a pleasant experience…”
Kirokoa: “Heyoooooo”
GM: “The robot levels its arm cannon at Clive.”
Kirokoa: “bwaaaaaaaaaaaa”
GM: “It sounds just like that, but more annoying.”
Kirokoa: “BWAAAAAAAAAAAA”
OZZE: “Fun fact, possession of one of these Aeon Guard assault rifles is punishable by death in the Azlanti Star Empire. I now have two. “
GM: “They could kill you twice!”
Yoreen: “I’ll tell Anna to come by and we can pick up all the prisoners.”
OZZE: “Wait, no. I need room for all my new guns.”
OZZE: “So I’m gonna take this jetpack, if nobody else needs it…”
Kirokoa: “I fly over and say ‘Give it to me.'”
Yoreen: “Can we make it look like an asteroid hit the facility?”
Kirokoa: “We don’t need to make it look like an asteroid.”
Kirokoa: “Trees, frogs, cricket people. That’s all that’s on this planet. Still haven’t figured out what the frogs eat.”
Session 26: Hell On Absalom
The gang gets involved with demon hunters who are investigating Ixtlay, Kirokoa’s uncle, on suspicion of summoning weird shit on Absalom Station.
Clive: “We could open fire. They can’t lay a trap at Absalom Station if there’s no Absalom Station.”
Kirokoa: “They can’t trap us if we’re dead either!”
Kirokoa: “Could we save money by not wiring these guns to anything, and just having mounted turrets on the outside of the ship? That we have to crawl out the airlock to man?”
Clive: “When did I join the Space Orks?”
Kirokoa agrees to wear a wire during a conversation with his uncle about why he needs all these demonic amulets we keep bringing him.
Kirokoa: “I would appreciate if we all just…play this fast and loose. Like everything we do.”
GM: “You feel a breeze under the door, hot air blowing out, like you’re standing next to an open oven.”
Clive, infiltrating Ixtlay’s shop to look for signs of demons: “That’s…not a good look.”
OZZE: “Maybe it’s an open oven.”
Yoreen: “What if he’s running a secret bakery in there?”
Yoreen: “I like how ‘fast and loose’ to us means ‘quick ten minute discussion.'”
Turns out there’s a demon, but Ixtlay is trying to banish it, not summon it. Though Uriel the demon hunter doesn’t seem to appreciate the distinction when it accidentally gets unleashed on the station
OZZE: “Aaaand I’m out of holy water. Turns out the correspondence pastor course I took was not very good.”
OZZE: “Peta, I need a really big favor.”
Yoreen: “She says no, because her name is fucking Petin!”
OZZE: “I will use the particle cannon on Uriel. No jury will convict me.”
Kirokoa: “That’s…not true.”
Session 27: Hell On Absalom 2: Infernal Boogaloo
OZZE: “Fun fact, Hell is just a seelie court of fairies.”
Uriel: “That’s not true. I’ve studied this.”
OZZE: “Uriel, please. The experts are talking.”
OZZE: “I can go back to talking in a Cockney accent. Make sure Caitlin can’t understand a thing I’m saying.”
Kirokoa: “Is your accent even Cockney anymore?”
OZZE: “It’s Deep Cockney.”
GM: “Also known as Irish.”
OZZE: “Yeah, didn’t like that did you? Welcome to hell, bitch!”
GM: “The devil strides over to you and readies its spear.”
OZZE: “Wait. No. Wait.”
Clive: “They don’t call him ‘Thinks Things Through OZZE'”
Kirokoa: “I did just breathe ice on him from behind. Maybe he’ll turn around and think it was Uriel.”
Clive: “Whenever he speaks without a thick accent, we’ll just act like we can’t understand him.”
OZZE: “Roight, givvim the sproikey loikey an’ we’ll be oon ar wey.”
Kirokoa: “So does that sound good? We dealt with the demon, so you’ll let him live if he leaves the station?”
Uriel: “I could agree to that. On one condition.”
Kirokoa: “Oh no.”
Uriel: “I get to kill him a little bit.”
Uriel: “Compassion suits you, strix. You’ve done good today.”
GM: “He sheathes his sword.”
Kirokoa: “And then I shoot him.”
Ixtlay: “If you ever are back on Verces, please, do visit, let me know how things are…”
Yoreen: “Please bring me news from the outside world!”
Kirokoa: “…I thought you said nudes for a moment there. Please bring him nudes from the station internet.”
Session 28: Missing In Archaeology
GM: “Her Starfinder jacket looks just like yours, but less bloody.
Yoreen: “I ask where she gets her dry-cleaned.”
Starfinder Secretary: “Oh, I take it to Old Joe’s Dry Cleaning.”
Yoreen: “Ah. He branched out from nukes.”
Kirokoa: “You know what gets clothes real clean? Radiation!”
Starfinder Secretary: “I saw you fighting that demon on TV! That was really brave of you! I didn’t know you were a Starfinder too! That’s so cool!”
Yoreen: “Weren’t we wearing our Starfinder jackets for that?”
OZZE: “Yeah. We put them on in the car, because we thought it’d make the cops less likely to shoot us.”
Starfinder Secretary, without missing a beat: “I saw that it was a Starfinder who stopped them, that was so cool!”
OZZE: “These are the upgrades I’ve made to the ship. If anyone else wants anything else, let me know.
Yoreen: “Smoothie machine.”
Kirokoa: “Time machine.”
Starfinder Secretary: “Oh yes, we haven’t heard from her in three months, so we’ve posted her expedition to the board to be investigated. If it turns out to be a life-threatening rescue situation, the reward starts at 5,000 credits.”
OZZE: “We could make it life-threatening. And then bargain from there.”
OZZE: “So should we go check on your adviser? Or mentor or professor or whatever this person is to you?”
Yoreen: “It won’t be pleasant. She might try to kill us.”
OZZE: “…Actually I think I’m gonna buy that plasma bolter I was looking at.”
OZZE: “I don’t know how lashunta society works. I am literally three years old.”
Yoreen: “You use that excuse a lot.”
Yoreen: “I should ask Kirokoa, are you interested in going on this adventure?”
Kirokoa: “I do live on the ship you’re planning on taking.”
OZZE: “Oh yeah. We got some anti-demon guns. By which I mean plasma. Which is ineffective against demons.”
GM: “Most of the runes are blue and green.”
OZZE: “Ah. Green means plants.”
GM: “Every once in a while, you see a yellow one.”
OZZE: “Yellow means gold!”
Yoreen: “You don’t know any of this!”
Session 29: Lost In Translation
The gang gets sucked into another dimension through an artifact in yet another ancient alien temple on an asteroid. Or maybe it’s a simulation. Or something.
NPC: “Welcome to the Aether.”
Yoreen: “Well, at least it seems better than the Aether from Thor 2.”
GM: “It isn’t getting sucked into anyone’s body, so so far so good.”
OZZE: “I open my vents and start sucking this world into my body.”
Yoreen: “Are we in a Civ map? How much production does the village have?”
GM: “You see four hammers.”
Clive: “And this guy took one of them when he walked over here.”
OZZE: “I have the knowledge and etiquette skills to go up to these pirates and be, like, ‘Ayy yo I am also criminal scum.'”
OZZE: “I approve of slime people, but I’m not gonna hug them.”
Kirokoa: “It’s too late. They’re already inside you!”
OZZE: “No! My circuits!”
Yoreen: “This becomes the next episode of All My Circuits.”
Yoreen: “I’d assist you if you’d like to hack it.”
GM: “There’s not a computer interface.”
Yoreen: “I’d assist you if you’d like to blow it up.”
Kirokoa: “There’s…a range between hacking things and blowing them up.”
OZZE: “I have a little bit of acid…”
Clive: “I don’t know how much a trip is gonna help us right now.”
Yoreen: “Maybe this is another thing by Cassandalee.”
OZZE: “No, if it were Cassandalee this cipher would be way easier.”
Clive: “‘You’ll be released once the world is safe?’ Assuming that this is ‘the world,’ what’s even the danger? We’re the only dangerous things here, in terms of explosions caused.”
Session 30: How Can Pocket Dimensions Be Real If Our Eyes Aren’t Real
OZZE: “I hate the item levels in this game. What the hell is a tactical switchblade, and why is it so expensive?”
GM: “It has a scope.”
Clive: “I guess we’ve been…imprismed.”
Yoreen: “Do we pass it off like we’re mercenaries?”
Clive: “That’s…pretty much exactly what we are.”
Clive: “What if…we’re the simulations?”
OZZE: “I am already a robot, I am not dealing with your existential crisis.”
Kirokoa: “Yoreen, your old boss is clearly a villain. Why were you working for her?”
OZZE: “She was an undergrad, man. You gotta take internships where you can get them.”
Kirokoa: “What are you doing here?” “I do crimes! It’s illegal, don’t worry about it!”
Kirokoa: “OH MY GOD. ‘When the world is safe, we will be released.’ We need to install a banister on the stairs and fix these safety violations, and then we’ll get out!”
Clive: “They saw me on the other side, and then I vanished, and now I’m here. I can tell them that I wallhacked my way here, we can use it as evidence that they’re in a simulation.”
Kirokoa: “WHO HERE IS REAL!?!”
Session 31: (A) World’s End
GM: “You’ve set up a plan to ambush Krom.”
Clive: “Hopefully before he calls for help, he’ll… kromble.”
Kirokoa: “I could afford three guns, but I couldn’t afford a tripod.”
GM: “Those damn Apple tripods. A thousand credits for a stand? Come on.”
Yoreen: “I’ll make some Ghost Sounds to convince him it’s really a simulation.”
Kirokoa: “For a second I forgot that Ghost Sounds was a spell, and thought you were just behind him going ‘OoOoOoOh!'”
GM: “Clive, it’s your turn. No, wait, no, it’s Yoreen.”
OZZE: “Clive is stealing Yoreen’s turn.”
Clive: “Sleight of hand!”
OZZE: “I hit the emergency eject button.”
Clive: “A spring just shoots up beneath you.”
Kirokoa: “The ceiling doesn’t open or anything. You just get launched.”
OZZE: “Shit! That was the most elaborate booby trap ever seen!”
GM: “OZZE, you’re the first to wake up once everyone’s been ejected from the simulation. Your systems come online, your optics turn on.”
Kirokoa: “You feel a heartbeat and are like, ‘what the fuck?!'”
Session 32: Rock Me Asmodeus
Every enemy the gang has ever made shows up unexpectedly.
GM: “Aknaan is at the top of the hatch, aiming his rifle down at you.”
OZZE: “I set off the charges. You think I didn’t plan for this?”
Kirokoa: “Uh… yes.”
Kirokoa: “Are you guys good if I raise my hands and see if they’ll accept surrender?”
OZZE: “I execute Kirokoa for cowardice.”
being frisked for weapons
Clive: “I make a Sleight of Hand check to shove a knife up my butt.”
Kirokoa: “Is that an attack roll?”
GM: “I think blessing water is a spell.”
Yoreen: “What? Real priests do it all the time and all it takes is waving their hands a little!”
OZZE: “I’m basically unarmed, and the devil is here.”
Yoreen: “That’s gotta be a song.”
Kirokoa: “We’re probably eating hundreds of credits’ worth of watermelon, but it’s worth it. I’m so hungry.”
OZZE: “Don’t you have that ioun stone so you don’t need to eat?”
Kirokoa: mimes slowly removing an ioun stone from his orbit
Yoreen, rolling a Computers check: “31.”
GM: “You’re in.”
Kirokoa and Clive, simultaneously: “Yoreen.”
Clive: “Am I clear to get out of here in the ship?”
Yoreen: “You can gun it, I still have the jetpack.”
GM: “When are you planning to get on the ship?”
Yoreen: “…uh.”
OZZE: “This anti-personnel weapon I installed on the boarding ramp was a really good investment. It’s doing more damage to Aknaan than I am.”
Kirokoa: “We’re going to install OZZE into the ship and make the anti-personnel weapon our new party member.”
Session 33: Golarion On and On
GM: “Does somebody have the ship stats handy?”
Yoreen: “I do! It’s…I have no idea what any of this means.”
Peter finds an online technobabble generator.
Kirokoa: “We have to divert the flumbulator from our ion defibrillators into extra shields!”
Yoreen: “I don’t-“
Kirokoa: “You can’t stop me!”
GM: “Your sensors detect all four of you…and also you detect a fifth life sign in the shuttle bay.”
Yoreen: “Are we infested with space goblins? Or is that one goblin?”
Kirokoa: “I hit the intercom and announce, ‘No hablo es gobliano.'”
OZZE: “Let’s make that cruiser a little smaller in our rear view mirror.”
Clive: “By blowing a chunk of it off!”
Aspis Consortium Assassin: “They’ll never stop coming.”
Clive: “Then I’ll keep running. And they’ll just keep looking…”
Assassin: “One day you’ll slip-“
Clive: “…for something.”
Assassin: “God dammit.” dies
The alien artifact from the pocket dimension temple causes some weird shit to happen in the Drift.
Kirokoa: “Are Golarion sightings this universe’s version of Bigfoot? We’re gonna come back like, ‘Oh my god, we saw Golarion!’ with shaky-cam footage and nobody’s gonna believe us.”
Kirokoa: “Why does this thing summon Golarion and ALSO suck people into simulations?”
OZZE: “I don’t have any explanation aside from ‘the gods hate us.'”
OZZE: “For the rest of the trip let’s surround it in, like, lead, and cover it in mystic warding runes.”
Yoreen: “It’s just cursive writing that says ‘Stop.'”
OZZE: “Well, you’re the technomancer, so I assume that’s good enough.”
GM: “The Click-Clack Club is pretty busy, what with so many people being stranded here.”
Yoreen: “If they run out of beer, the station is doomed.”
OZZE: “You can’t run out of digital beer!”
OZZE: “Should we hang on to Aknaan’s body, or throw it into a star somewhere?”
Yoreen: “KEEP IT.”
Kirokoa: “Keep it foreverrrrrr.”
OZZE: “Okay, we’re throwing it into a star because you made that creepy.”
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